Grimoire Christmas Carols: Part 3 of 3

Don’t ya just love Christmas? It’s the one time of the year where it’s socially unacceptable for people to be dickwads to each other… makes you wonder why people can’t just behave like that all the time! 

I have a lot of fun writing and maintaining this blog, and although this will be my final post until the New Year, I can assure you that there will be many more years to come of Grim-Blog goodness… even after Grimoire’s been released! I am quite satisfied with the attention Grim-Blog has received, and it can only go up from here.

I’ve noticed that the video games market has been quite shitey lately… I played MW3 at a friend’s house the other day… how this game could hold anyone who has an IQ above ninety’s attention for more than a week is beyond me, but apparently, several million feeble-minded simpletons play this game for hours on end. I actually thoroughly enjoyed Call of Duty 4, but that was a game that had excellent map design, balanced weaponry and required a large degree of skill to be good at. Activision (as well as half the games industry), decided to copy the COD4 MP formula and put in every game they made from then on, as well as water it down for casual gamers.

BORING! REPETITION IS BORING! IT GETS OLD! THERE ARE MONKEYS THAT ARE NOT THIS EASILY AMUSED!!!

I haven’t had a chance to play either of them yet, but SKYRIM and DARK SOULS are definitely on my wish list.

Consistently, the video games industry is rewarded for being lazy. They are rewarded for releasing the same exact games every year, with a new “campaign” that was slapped on in about five minutes after they’d finished the Multi-Player. Take the Assassin’s Creed series… this is a franchise that has hardly changed a bit from the first game… I picked up AC2 from the game’s store, popped it in my console, and the game had lost my interest after an hour. As far as I could tell, the whole game was a “Look awesome while you walk” simulator.

Pretty much every form of entertainment media seems to be degrading. I can’t remember the last time I went to the cinema. Music is more garbage than usual and every time I go to the book store, all I see is a bunch of adventure novels and “accounts” of people who killed so and so and fought in this war and that war.

I remember playing better games on my N64 than the crap we have now. Fancy graphics are usually a way the developers compensate for their game being shite.

Indy games are still of wonderful calibre, but these microscopic diamonds in the rough are greatly outnumbered.

Our only hope is that one game, a game that stands for truth, liberty and justice, a game that stands apart from the mainstream sewage pipe, will rise up and perform the ultimate smack-down on the games industry!

*Cough*Grimoire*Cough*

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Sincerely,

Cooper Blakemore

Twelve Days of Grimoire

(To the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”)

 

In the first day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

 Some rats that were low in XP.

 

In the second day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Two NPCS,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

In the third day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

In the fourth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

In the fifth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

In the sixth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

In the seventh day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Seven Spells a-casted,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

 

In the eighth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Eight Clerics a-turning,

Seven Spells a-casted,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

  

In the ninth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Nine Quest Tablets,

Eight Clerics a-turning,

Seven Spells a-casted,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

 

In the tenth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Ten Cats a-blinking,

Nine Quest Tablets,

Eight Clerics a-turning,

Seven Spells a-casted,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

 

 

In the eleventh day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Eleven Ranged Rangers,

Ten Cats a-blinking,

Nine Quest Tablets,

Eight Clerics a-turning,

Seven Spells a-casted,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

  

In the twelfth day of Grimoire,

Cleve sent to me,

Twelve Critical Hits,

Eleven Ranged Rangers,

Ten Cats a-blinking,

Nine Quest Tablets,

Eight Clerics a-turning,

Seven Spells a-casted,

Six Dwarves a-zerking,

Five epic loots,

Four Troglodytes,

Three Boss encounters,

Two NPCs,

And some rats that were low in XP.

Grimoire Christmas Carols: Part 2 of 3

I’m Dreaming of a RPG Glitch-less

(To the tune of “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”)

 

I’m dreaming of a RPG Glitch-less,

Just like the ones I used to play.

Where the monsters pwn you,

And NPCs own you,

When you try to steal their stuff.

 

I’m dreaming of a RPG Glitch-less,

With every Bethesda game I play.

Maybe Grimoire will be finished one day,

And maybe we’ll all shout: Hooray!

 

I’m dreaming of a RPG Glitch-less

With every Bethesda game I play.

Maybe Grimoire will be finished one day,

And maybe we’ll all shout: Hooray!

Grimoire Christmas Carols: Part 1 of 3

I haven’t put anything up in a while, so I slapped together a few parodies. Tune in tomorrow for another one!

 

We Wish You a Thorough Beta

(To the tune of “We wish you a Merry Christmas”)

 

We wish you a thorough beta,

 We wish you a thorough beta,

We wish you a thorough beta and a bug-free Grimoire!

 

“Raise Dead” Scrolls are extremely rare!

Put more in the game, or it’ll be-eeee unfair!

The fireball spell always backfires,

I recommend changing the success modifiers.

 

 We wish you a thorough beta,

 We wish you a thorough beta,

We wish you a thorough beta and a bug-free Grimoire!

 

NPC: Trimestes, is a retard,

The guy’s practically hanging, from his own petard!

The Kraken is spawning all over the place,

 I can’t take two steps, without it in my face!

 

 We wish you a thorough beta,

We wish you a thorough beta,

We wish you a thorough beta and a bug-free Grimoire!