Monthly Archives: November 2011

10,000 Hits!

(Blows party-popper while confetti rains down from the ceiling)

We did it! Well, I did it… but it was a team effort!

Last night, The Grim Blog achieved over ten thousand unique hits! (Not 10,000 in one night, mind you. I wish the blog had that kind of traffic!)

This is a milestone day in what I hope to be a long-lived blog!

Now, time to fish for subs.

At the moment, Grim Blog has a depressing 6 subscribers, which is quite a strange comparison to the amount of views it gets in a week.

If you enjoy The Grim Blog and frequent it frequently, why not subscribe?

All it costs you is a minute or two of your time and a blood sample (which will be extracted from you while you sleep, at no extra charge).

Just scroll down a bit and to the right… yep, there it is. Click it!

If you haven’t already noticed, there’s a big, fat post directly below this one, littered with screenshots. Enjoy!


Beyond the Sea: Part One


After having solved the mystery of Gideon, slaying Knorlo Knossos and acquiring the “Aurora” Tablet, our adventurers were wondering what leads they had left to continue their quest.

 The Beholder had written a checklist:

1. Killed the Wicker Man, stole his tablet… Check!

2. Slayed Shelach the Spider, took her tablet… Check!

3. Explored the City of Waterport… Hrm… Nope… I guess that’s our next stop.

Almost at the start of their quest, they had come across the City of Waterport, but had been unable to explore it. It had been closed by Lord Ahriman and had all its law-abiding citizens evacuated. The entrance was guarded by a hairy, brutish fellow, who refused entry to all unless they knew the secret password.

“Look”, said Chuck. ” We didn’t know the password back then and we still don’t know it now… but there is one thing that’s changed about us since then.”


“We’re much more… experienced.” (No pun intended)

It was true. They all looked around at each other.

Mariel had become a child of the shadows. Clothed in a midnight-black robe and hood, she was a deadly assassin who always remained unseen to her foes.

The Beholder’s magical abilities were so potent, she gave off a faint blue aura.

And Chuck… his muscles had grown so big, he could barely fit in his armor.

“So, here’s my plan. Being much more badass then we were back then (which seems like months ago), I propose that we simply storm the city and kick the crap out of any Vanguard resistance we encounter.”

They all nodded in agreement: a couple Vanguards were nothing they couldn’t handle.

They walked up to the stout man who guarded the front gate.

“Halt, what is the password!?”

“I got cha freakin’ password right here”, smirked Chuck.


A pile of loosely connected gibs on the ground, the front gate guard wasn’t looking too good. Chuck and X. bashed down the front door.

“Knock, Knock!”

They looked around the City. It had been flooded. The water came up to their knees.

A squad of Vanguard Marines charged at our heroes. They met a fate similar to the front gate guard, albeit, much more painful and much more messy. The surrounding water had turned a dark shade of crimson.

They searched the water-logged city to find anything of interest, any kind of clue or hint as to where to proceed next. They were just about to call it a day when they realised there was still one building left they hadn’t checked. Opening the front door, they saw a flight of stairs leading down into darkness, a most familiar sight to them.

They found that it led into the Chamber of Commerce, a series of connecting stone passages and rooms that ran under the entire city of Waterport.


Dark Passages always have something good at the end of them. (SARCASM)

 They began charting the great halls, so as not to become lost.

Spot the subliminal message in this screenshot!

 They would start with the Smuggler’s Hideout, as pirates usually pick up a few useful scraps of information in their travels.

They expected that a bunch of bloodthirsty sea-dogs would give them trouble when they entered, but these chaps weren’t exactly pirates in the normal sense of the word.

A sweaty, noisy, french pirate who had spittle fly out of his mouth when he talked stopped our heroes in their path.

“Avast ye Mateys! Yar be in the Smuggler’s Den! Black Pierre said he’d a be a sending a banch of scallywags like yoselves over. He also said that you’d be givin’ me siz thousan’ crowns!

Clearly, this fellow had mistaken our heroes to be friends of his. However, they were quite rich from all the loot they had found and thought it a good idea to keep this man thinking that they were members of this “Black Pierre” crew. Chuck almost blew it.

“What the hell are you talking about? We aren’t-“

“What he means to say!”, said The Beholder, putting on her best pirate voice (which is very difficult for a female Aeorb) “Is that, by yar! Ya betar mind ye silver tongue, yar wonderful bastard. We ain’t ya average scallywags, were some of the finest sea striders to ever sail Hyperborea! Here’s ya stinkin’ gold!”

He nodded at them, and in exchange for their gold, gave them a rusty, Y-shaped, mechanical apparatus.

The heroes pocketed the item and tried to hide the look of disappoint on their faces. Had they just traded 6000 coins for a piece of junk?

As the pondered their next move, a bunch of hideous monsters ambushed them.


Oh my God! It's the RPG Codex Trolls, back for revenge!

 A few magic missile spells and a few good blow with the Vorpal Blade, and the Troglodytes were dead.

“Well, at least we checked out the Smuggler’s Hideout… Let’s check out the Electrophoresis Works.”

Electrophoresis: The process of extracting electricity from biological creatures.

As they explored the labs, they were attacked by a horde of electric worms. They weren’t much of a problem, nothing old, Mr. Boot couldn’t handle.

They came across some kind of hydro-electrical elevator…

“Before using elevator, check that the main generator is active.”

So they went to the generator room and conveniently, there was a Y-Shaped hole in it, preventing the electrical current from powering the underground facility.

As soon as they powered up the generator, they heard an enormous gushing of water, as if some ancient machine had resumed it’s task of pumping  out an old undersea cavern.

They promptly ran back to the well they had seen earlier, and noticed that the bottom was now dry. They climbed down the rope and, as luck would have it, they found that the Tablet “Scylla”, had been hidden here.

“Where to next?” asked The Beholder, who had become something resembling their leader (although she had been deceased for the larger portion of their journey), “We can go to Loch Lalain, or Quiddick Harbor.”

“Hrm… Quiddick sounds like a good move.”



“Last stop, the Loch.”

They immediately felt a cool sea breeze on their faces as soon as the entered Loch Lalain.

“Wow”, said Mariel.”It’s massive…”


Now, how do we get across?

As they were wondering how they would get to the other side, they saw a sight unlike anything they had ever seen.

Lysandra, the Golden Lady of the Sea!


Breaking News: Cleve held hostage by Fanboys

This just in, it seems that infamous Cyber-Hero Cleve Blakemore has been kidnapped and is being held hostage by a group known as the “True Believers”. They are refusing to let Cleve go until he finishes Grimoire. Find an image of the ransom note here:

GrimNews will work to keep you updated on this pressing issue.

Okay, Two Things…

Number One,

I am not Cleve, guys. If I was, I would have been able to convince you I wasn’t Cleve. (Woah, just had a Cleve-ception moment there)

I am Cooper, son of Cleve, Lvl. 87 Computer Programmer.

I don’t know how else I can convince you this isn’t a troll.

Please, if you don’t believe me, at least don’t post comments addressed to Cleve. He doesn’t moderate this blog, I do.


Number Two,

Please, stop asking if you can be in the beta. At the moment, it just isn’t going to happen. If there is a public beta, then I will make sure you guys are the first to know about it.

You guys must think that my Beta Testing of Grimoire is pretty formal and fancy. It’s just me sitting on the couch in my underpants on a friday afternoon, playing Grimoire on that Piece-O-Crap laptop I described in an earlier post.