Monthly Archives: September 2011



It would seem that my 25% Beta Report post received quite a lot of attention.

925 views in one day to be exact, completely shattering my previous record of 116.

Not too shabby. 

Writing on this blog feels a bit like a video-game to me sometimes…

I’m always trying to set a high-score.

I wonder if I’ll ever beat the new record… I’ll have to bring out a pretty damn good post.

It’s Golden Baby time, suckas!

Teh Golden Bey-Beh

By Cooper Blakemore

Golden Baby!

Golden Baby!

Golden Baby!

He travels throoouugh dimensions, observing all that he sees!

 He’s a being of strangeness, made out of yellow cheeeeese!

Golden Bey-beh!

Gooooolduuun Bey-bey!

He’s a part of you and me!

Golden Bey-beh! 

Gooooolduuun Bey-Beh!

He’s a glitch in reality!

If you beat him at his mind games, although this is a difficult thiiing, he’ll give you a very special, cosmic Bling Riing!

When in need of his help, all you need to do, is stroke that bling ring, and he’ll run your enemies throoough!

Golden Bey-Beh!

Golden Bey-beh!

Gooooooooolduuuuuun Bey-Beh!

(Guitar Solo)



The Beta Report

Sorry I haven’t uploaded anything in a while. I have a million excuses, but really, I was just too lazy to do it. To make up for my sloth, I present you with an extra juicy post, The Beta Report!

NOTE: This is the Beta Report at around 25% through the game. I’ve played the game for weeks and weeks now, and I’m still only 25% through it! It’s a long game.

Cooper’s Grimoire Beta Test Report



-Any kind of game configuration other than the default causes a crash on reboot.

-Character Cleve the Vamphyr, when unarmed, had the choice to either bite or claw at the enemy and whenever I chose claw or bite, it caused the game to crash.

-When game crashes, it sometimes refuses to shut down. The only solution is to restart the computer.

-Most items, when “Used” in front of an NPC, cause the game to crash.

-While fighting the Blinkcat on The Wizard’s barge, the game crashed, and said something about animeng.cpp. line 724

-While on the wizards barge, fighting the worfair wizard, the game crashed, and gave the bug data:
animeng.cpp. line 724… I keep seeing that bug error… I suspect it is a general bug and not related to any particular monster.

-There is some kind of crash that occurs when you load the same game several times in a brief period.

-I used a maximum level “Read Magic” spell to scribe firestorm, and it crashed the game, saying something about skill index to low or something.


-I noticed that on some monsters, where the shadow should be is instead a white blotch.

-Characters can detect the same secret infinitely, allowing players to “farm” scout skill points.

-If you had any active spells when you loaded a different save, the icons for them will appear briefly before disappearing. (Oblivion had this same exact glitch)

-King Loogmar’s Bones in the Lair of Shiva-Han-Gorum have nothing in them, yet a hand icon appears when moused over them.

-Several NPCs in Crowl, when asked about Captain Krone, reply: Maybe Captain Krone can tell you about Captain Krone.

-NPC Trimestes is a retard. He doesn’t know what the museum of magic is, or the enigma well, or the chronoworks.

-A jar of ashes in the catacombs have nothing in them, yet a hand icon appears. coordinates 87 7

-You can still interact with the oracle in the cenotaph even after you’ve solved his riddle.

-The stepping stones don’t work whe used on the samhain gorge.

-Junga Din doesn’t give you the cup of hobnob.

-The sacrifice hole to the lair of hobnob, won’t let you fall through it after the first time.

-Cenotaph Vault at coordinates 115,9 there is a secret room with nothing in it.

-Chests still have traps go off even if you use “Locksmith’s Glue”.

-The Mechano Egg does nothing when placed in the nest in The Eyrie.

-In the chamber of the waters, at coordinates 50 25, there is a secret chest in the wall with nothing in it.

-In the chamber of the waters, at coordinates 50 22, there is a sign with nothing on it.

-In The Rhattu Pyramid, the golem that asks you for the grendel’s requirement, only accepts the answer VUTAK NER DAKKUTES AKATA. He should be able to accept multiple variations of this answer, such as AKATA VUTAK NER DAKKUTES or NER DAKKUTES VUTAK AKATA.

-At coordinates 73 104, remove the monster encounter. All the players would be nauseous at this point, and unable to fight even the weakest enemy. Also, make the refreshing fountain nearby this instantly remove nausea, instead of partially. Otherwise, each player would have to take about 5 sips to clear their nausea.

-Using a cursed weapon prevents a character from using their alternate hand.

-Remember to remove the placeholder splashscreen for the royal bestiary.

-Sages can’t learn Wizard’s Eye.

-at coordinates 74 110, the ACME Vending Machine doesn’t work.

-at coordinates 72 108, there is a secret with nothing there.

-Q’orl the Dragon in the royal bestiary doesn’t work right.

-Check on spell Astral Vision to make sure it works correctly.

-In Conachur’s Cabin, when I was supposed to fight Elias Conachur, he didn’t appear. This might have been because I went into his cabin before getting the official quest from lieutenant Shrike. This also makes it impossible to finish lieutenant shrike’s quest, because you don’t receive the wolf’s head ring.

-The gypsy in Carnivale Bazaar doesn’t predict your future… she just steals your money… or was that the joke?

-at coordinates 153 35, there is a vending machine that doesn’t work.

-When you free Balderdash from the spirit jar, you don’t encounter him.

-At coordinates 32 72, there is a significant-looking room with nothing in it.

-There is a zap station in the acme vending machine company that doesn’t do anything.

-A Dark Ranger casted enchanted blade on one of my party members.

-Anti-undead spells (Hold Undead, Banish Undead) don’t work on Vamphyrs.

-Light doesn’t weaken Vamphyrs.

-Count Orlock can only be encountered once in his private quarters.

-At coordinates 102 62, there’s a (Sigh)… missing wall. Also, the vending machine doesn’t work.

-At coordinates 146 91,147 89, 156 82, 146 88 and 156 84 there are pits that are invisible.

-I discovered that the reason some NPCs go “missing”, is because playing on the “No Wandering Monsters” setting causes them to (almost) never appear after your initial encounter with them. You could solve this problem by having a set square that those particular NPCs will always appear on.

-The “Hive Labyrinth” area had undead creature spawning in it instead of insects and organics. Also, there is currently no treasure in it.

-At coordinates 6 176, there is a hole you can’t fall down.


Piranhas = too much health, need to lower AC slightly,
Vanguards = Need to do slightly more damage,

Mad Monk = too many HP.

Devil Dogs = Way to tough,(I’m refering to the ones encountered in the gardens of midnight.)

Hellhounds = Don’t give enough XP… it should be around 100, and it’s only 6,

Crypt Cleaner = Needs slightly more Hp, slightly more damage.

Ghosts = need to give more XP. Also, they cast “Slow” on themselves.

Mordecai = Too weak in every aspect.

Black Lich = Way too easy… all you need to do is cast a “Hold Undead” spell and he’s pathetic.

The Samhain Horror = Needs to use magic more often, needs to have a higher chance to hit.

Colosus Adder = Too easy, needs a higher chance to hit

Spectre = Needs to give WAY more XP… I recommend 250.

Grendel = Way, WAAAAY to tough… It’s going to be difficult to find a good balance for him.

Blinkcat = There’s a glitch with the blinkcat that causes it to cast SOUND MIND instead of PSYONIC BLAST. Also, magic weapons can’t hit it when it blinks out.

Dragonfly = Can kill two or three people a turn… needs to be weaker.

Wicker Cultists = Can be encountered in groups of up to nine. I recommend the maximum group number be reduced to six, and having the average as three.

Monarch Nettle = Deals too much damage.Also, it has a sound effect like a growling lion. ???.

Chiang = Doesn’t sell anything, despite being a merchant. Also, he should sell raise dead scrolls.

Vanguard Marine = Needs to give slightly more xp.

Turnscrew = Can be killed in a single hit, gives 27 exp.

Chuckles the Clown = Replace his laugh with one slightly less annoying.

Nosferatu = Their health should be 30% of what they have now. They should deal much more damage.

Mystagogue = Change the placeholder image for it. Give it slightly more heatlth.

Nightfiend = Give a slightly higher resistance to the cosmic gate spell.

Spawn = Classified as a boss, despite there being multiple spawns.

Shelach = At present, she is undefeatable. I recommend the following changes: A 50% decrease in health, removal of all the “insta-kill” spells she uses.

Banshee = They should sometimes spawn in groups of two or three.


Vorpal Blade = Needs higher chance to decapitate.

Golden Armor = Only slightly better than chainmail.

Keeper’s Key = The number of uses (10) doesn’t go down when you use it.

Wand of fireballs = almost always backfires.

Pack of jelly beans = Does nothing?

Luck Stone: Doesn’t summon angel.

Caduceus of Healing: Seems to regenerate uses.

Greaves = I put this on one of my characters, and it decreased his armor class by 128. Then I put it on another character, and it worked normally.

The Phyrigian Cone is better than the Wizard’s Cap, despite being much more common than the wizard’s cap.

The ring of protection lowers your armour class by 128.


Fireball = I’ve yet to cast this spell without it backfiring.

Gaze Relection = I casted this spell during the fight with the cockatrice and it didn’t reflect his petrification vison. I don’t think it works.

When a Mad Monk casts Wand of Webs at a player, they are still paralyzed by it even after they have left combat.

Toxic Vapours = Should affect every enemy on the battlefield.

I cast missile shield on a party member while out of combat, in an attempt to nullify the damage caused by the flaming cocoon that Shelach shoots at you, and it didn’t work.


-No back button when creating a character

-The ENDGAME option in combat should ask “Are you sure?” because every now and then a player might accidentally press it.

-Aeorbs shold be easier to resurrect? Perhaps a resurrection fountain in the Village of Crowl?

-Using a Cadecus of Life on an Aeorb uses up some of it’s magic, despite not working.

-PCs need to wake up more easily; my entire party got killed by three bats because they wouldn’t wake up.

-Healing spells cast on a party member will still be cast even if they died during the round.

-No LOAD GAME button on the in-game menu.

-You can’t re-read the text that comes from examining the well in the cenotaph vault, and it’s a helpful clue to solving the Oracle’s puzzle.

-There should be no possibility of backfiring or fizzeling when a spell is cast at level one. It’s very unfair to the player.

-Reduce the chance of backfiring and fizzleing slightly.

-Spells need to be tweaked greatly: The chances of fizzeling and backfiring need to be tweaked, and success rate.

-The following items need more hints regarding what to do with them: Seahorse Signet, letter of marque, Deepsink ore, Cosmic egg, mechano egg, quantum ichor,

-Magical items (scrolls, staves, rings, etc.) should not back fire.

-Powders and reagents should have 100% effectiveness (Never Fizzle, Never Backfire, Never Miss Target)

-Fireseeds costs 3800 gold. When I used it in combat, it backfired and killed three of my guys. Needs serious tweaking.

-The entire dungeon room, bowels of samhain, have nothing off value in them… the whole area is pointless without SOME kind of reward or treasure.I recommend putting a water walking scoll in there.

-At 0% swimming skill, a party can swim approximately one square before drowning. At 100% swimming skill, they can swim about 10 squares before drowning. I reckon that, even at 0% skill, they should be able to swim at least 5 squares.

-In the temple of Hathor-Sogg, I highly recommend you remove the “Ohm” Chants from the backround music… it completely kills the atmosphere.

-Critical items can never be dropped.

-Vending Machine tokens all get spent at once when you use them. It should be that one token is inserted per click.

-Snivels doesn’t give you the pyramid map unless he joins your party, you kill him or you steal it.

-The Grendel isn’t classified as a boss. Also, remember to remove the placeholder image for him.

-Maybe you should be able to use Knock Knock on Treants to inflict damage to them?

-Raise Dead scrolls are extremely rare, even after you’ve gotten the first tablet.

-When you’re in the Womb of Shelach, there are two scripted events where she shoots a fireball at you. Reduce the damage that these fireballs do. I’d say they should do about 10 damage.

-Highlight the skill needed to increase a player’s spellcasting abilities.


Well, here they were…

They took Nander’s suggestion about the Chronoworks and Cosmic Egg, which had given them the Mechano Egg, which had spawned a Mechanized Owl, which had flown away, which had returned a week later with a special key, which they had used to open the magical vault containing the first tablet, Lachesis.

The Samhain Horror, a horrible being from another dimension, guarded this tablet, and although it was a terrifying entity, they were surprised at how easily they had defeated it.

What the #*$% is that thing!?

“That thing looked like a giant levitating testicle!” proclaimed Chuck.

Ignoring Chuck’s comment, they approached the chest that stored the tablet. Opening it, they found that the tablet had been covered in several sticky preservation fluids… the tablet must have been created thousands of years ago for the makers to go to that much trouble… perhaps they knew it would be millenia before anyone found it.

“Thank the Exemplar! We found the first tablet!” said Cleve. “I’ll bet the others are somewhere in this vault as well.”

“I don’t think so.” said N.

“Why’s that?”

“No particular reason.”

So they looked and looked and failed to find another tablet. After a while, Mariel found something.

“Hey guys, I didn’t find a tablet, but I definitely found somethin’.”

She was referring to a mysterious altar with a glowing floor. Stepping on it, they found that they were transported to a place they were unfamiliar with…

They examined their surroundings, and found beautiful rushing rivers and rock faces around them. Pushing on through these natural walls, they emerged to a sight that made their minds explode with a million questions.



The heroes realised that they had only found the first tablet, and the amount of trouble they had finding the first one was a cakewalk compared to finding the rest.

The journey was not over…

It had only just begun.

“Well,” said Chuck. “I’d better call my wife and tell her I won’t be home in time for dinner.”