The Obsessive Wunderkind

I’ve recently been reading a biography of Wernher von Braun.

Wernher von Braun was a severely autistic German boy, who suffered from extreme mental retardation.

From an early age, he was very fascinated by the fields of existence beyond Earth’s atmosphere, particularly the planetary body known as “Luna”.

When his mother asked him want he wanted to do when he grew up, he said:

“I want to turn the wheel of progress.”, a strange answer from such a young boy.

Wernher went to a boarding school. Wernher was excellent in all subjects except for mathematics, which he was below average at.

Wernher, inspired by the literary works of Hermann Oberth, realized that it was his dream in life to touch the stars. It quickly became an all-consuming obsession.

Wernher realized that to reach the stars, he would have to be very good at mathematics.

He studied the science until he was the greatest student in school at mathematics. Occasionally, he would even fill in as a substitute math teacher. Sometimes, he would demonstrate to the class how the teacher had made an error.

Wernher blasted his way through the education system and soon after became an engineer.

Wernher started to experiment with rocketry as both a hobby and a career. How else would men touch the stars?

He is pictured here, playing with his toy rocket. He clearly has some kind of mental disability.

Wernher began to gain the attention of the German government, which had gained a National Socialist stance.

Wernher and his rocket buddies were building rockets in a place called Peenemunde.

The Germans got in a big war with everybody. Some moustache-faced bastard had started to cause a ruckus. Wernher didn’t care, he just wanted to build rockets.

The moustache-faced bastard used Wernher’s rockets to blow up English chavs. No loss there.

Then the Americans invaded Germany, and they said to Wernher: “We want you to build rockets for us now.”

And Wernher said:


He is pictured here, playing with another toy rocket. Note that the rocket’s allegiance has changed.

Wernher and his family re-located to America. Wernher married his attractive first-cousin, Maria.

Now Wernher was building missiles for the yanks. He ended up in a race with the Russians to be the first to space.

Wernher was beaten to space by the Russians. They had launched a satellite into orbit named after the potato.

Wernher was heart-broken. But he didn’t give up!

The race had begun: to be the first to Luna!

Around this time, Wernher was becoming an American celebrity and hero. He wrote articles for magazines, received interviews and even did a show for Disney, all on the topic of space and space-flight.

He was quite popular on all communication forums.

In 1955, Wernher started to make assurances. He assured the American people that he would have his Rocket to the Moon out by 1962.

People began to get really excited. If the rocket came out like Wernher had said, it would be the greatest thing ever.

Then, when it didn’t come out in 1962, Wernher demonstrated to everyone that the rocket was clearly coming out in 1963.

When questioned why the rocket wasn’t out by 1963, Wernher explained that “the bugs” were holding it back from release. “It just needs a bit more polish”, he said. “We need to beta test the rocket more”.

In 1969, Wernher’s Rocket that would take man to the Moon, was finally finished.


Hrm… what a great life story.

I mean, it’s like, even though the rocket was way overdue… it like, actually changed the course of human history.

















P.S. On a totally unrelated note, when you look up “Cleve Blakemore” on Bing images, it comes up with “Fecal Fat” as a related topic.


About grimdarkly

Name's Cooper. I'm an Advertising student, and I'm also a devout Christian that despises dishonesty. See the cognitive dissonance? I enjoy placing words in interesting formations. If not an advertising copywriter, I am certain I will find another word-based career. I enjoy playing DOTA 2, doing Christian stuff, not exercising, and designing adventures for my friends as a D&D Dungeon Master. Evidently, I'm also good at quickly coming up with "raps". Quality of said raps is debatable.

Posted on July 19, 2013, in Announcements, Other Crap and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Bro, cooper, please do us a favor and tell your old man the superdemo is perfect even if its not so we can finaly get to play it!

    • Yeah, bro, I’ll get right on it!

      Cleve game me the super demo last night to start beta testing. Tooltips are working and the game is running pretty smoothly. The end is nigh!

  2. You are our best hope for a brighter future.

  3. I think I get it! What you are trying to say is that Cleve is mentally retarded and despite his severe mental handicap he will one day release Grimoire upon the world paving the way for Obamas impeachment and restoring the United States to its former glory?!

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