So many ways to die…
Posted by grimdarkly
Here at GrimCorp, we’ve been working very hard, to come up with an interesting variety of untimely deaths for you to enjoy. Our aim is to keep you, the consumer, dead, because we know that dead customers are satisfied customers.
Browse through our latest catalogue!
It’s Simple, Cheap and it gets the job done. We get our professional executioner, Randy, to beat you in the head with a hammer repeatedly until the desired result is achieved.
Want to see your life flash before your eyes as you die? No Problem! It’s a little more expensive than CLASSIC, but it’s well worth it. We strap high-quality lead blocks to your feet, and throw you in head first. We guarantee you’ll reach the bottom in less than ten seconds, or your money back!
We give you a magic ring which you’ll become obsessed with, and then we seize it from you. Later, we’ll give it back to you while you’re standing near the edge of a dangerous cliff. While you dance like a jack-ass at receiving your precious ring, you slip like a retard into the lava pit. Expensive, but it’s a hell of a way to go!
We get our executioner, Randy, to dropkick you over a cliff. If you somehow survive, there is a Reptile-like creature at the bottom who will finish you off.
If all of these deaths weren’t enough for your tastes, we have this! Using our Killa-Ma-Jig 9000, we teleport you into solid rock, causing instant death! It’s very expensive, but you won’t care, because you’ll be dead!
This was the 2011 Death Catalogue from GrimCorp. We hope we informed you on the many exciting demises waiting for you. When in doubt, remember our motto: